


Dinner and Diatribes

by jjwrites



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: F/F, I just had a lot of feelings, My First Smut, Shameless Smut, Smut, Strap-Ons, and most of them were about the emotional dynamics, of their sex life so here we are, this has just a lot of emotions in it like i'm calling it smut but really it's emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 07:02:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17976608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjwrites/pseuds/jjwrites
Summary: Somehow I got carried away with a headcanon about Valentina bringing home a strap on. And now here we are.





	1. Chapter 1

 

“Close your eyes!” Juliana nearly jumps when Valentina calls from behind her. She has to brace her hands against the small desk in the other girl’s room where she’d been sitting in a towel, attempting her make up in a small mirror. The only downfall to closing her eyes is not getting to see the excitement in Valentina’s. Juliana can hear it in her voice, practically dripping out of her energy as she all but leaps across the room and lays her hands on Juliana’s shoulders. 

A soft kiss lands at the top of her head, paired with Valentina’s usual “hi, I missed you.” And Juliana can feel that too, the grin against her wet, freshly showered hair. 

“Why are my eyes closed?” Juliana presses, gently, exasperated maybe but amused all the same. 

“Open them.”

And she does. In front of her, cradled in one of Valentina’s hands is a long, pink appendage. Juliana hadn’t seen one in person before but she’s not naive enough not to recognize it. Her eyes widen a little, eyebrows tilting off kilter as she turns in her chair to face her girlfriend. 

Valentina wears a full day of junior year classes like a god, a flowing floral shirt under a leather jacket that was usually Juliana’s. Ever since they’d started living together at the Carvajals, they shared most of their wardrobe. And despite the bags under her eyes that say this week has been hard, every part of her is alight, from her wind tossed curls down to her fingers, still extending her offering to Juliana. 

She can’t say anything. All Juliana can manage is to tilt her head to one side, her questions present in the gesture anyway. And she can’t even pretend not to be the least bit curious or excited, because as Valentina stares back down at her, the grin on her face widening, toothy, and wolfish, and delighted and Juliana can’t help but need to bite her lip to keep from grinning back. 

“Val – I don’t…” she deadpans. But those weren’t really the words she’d been looking for. 

“No?” Valentina’s eyebrows rise to one side. 

“No, no – not no. I mean – we don’t need it. You’re so good without –”

With no preamble, Valentina drops to the floor on her knees, facing Juliana where she sits. She lays her palms on top of Juliana’s knees and squeezes with the tips of her fingers. “I have an idea. But it’s not what you’re thinking. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

She’s still _grinning_  and Juliana can barely take it. Valentina’s lips press together like she’s trying to quench her own thirst and she runs them through her teeth, staring intently back at her. 

“We have dinner with your brother in an hour,” Juliana whispers back, conceding – definitely conceding. 

All Valentina does is shake her head, dropping the strap on on the desk. She stands again, taking one of Juliana’s hands in hers as she does. “Come here.” Her tone matches the same whisper, but filled with something more mischievous. Juliana stands in her towel, straight into Valentina’s expectant arms and matches her lean into a long, deep kiss. It’s heavy, assuring, the sort of long, lingering way they always fit together. 

Valentina’s hands slip down Juliana’s back, down the towel to rest palm down just above her waist. “I want  _you_  to put it on,” she finally whispers, dark against the shell of Juliana’s ear. 

Juliana’s eyes blow wide and she pulls back to look at Valentina. “Me?”

She nods in return like a little girl who had just been offered an ice cream sundae. The line between innocent, jovial wonder and experienced, devious intent is one she walks so finely that Juliana is never settled in how to keep up. But she figures maybe she doesn’t want to be. This is Valentina Carvajal after all and everything about her feels right.

“Okay.” Juliana grins this time, pleased and proud in a way that sets her shoulders a little bit straighter. 

Valentina’s fingers are already working her towel off, dropping it so it lands unceremoniously at Juliana’s feet. It makes her heart beat faster, to be standing entirely undressed in front of her very much so dressed girlfriend. After a year of dating, there wasn’t any part of her Valentina hadn’t seen, and no part of Valentina Juliana was nervous in front of. But it felt oddly like a first time again, oddly vulnerable, but not in the same soft, innocent way as their real first time. 

“Here,” Valentina hands her the strap on with two hands, “you should do it yourself. Make sure it’s okay.”

For a beat, Juliana pauses, holding it in her hands. But ever in tune, Valentina comes to her rescue. “You can take it into the bathroom and do it in there,” and then as if to make it seem more natural she saunters toward the bed. “I’ll get comfortable in here.” 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Juliana emerges from the bathroom, her heart is still racing. She’d expected to feel less nervous once she got a second to get her bearings, but the long piece of pink silicone attached to her waist is a different sensation entirely, and a different tone for their bedroom, Juliana’s certain. 

“Satisfied?” She smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind her own hair as she walks out. But when she sees Valentina on the bed, any smug teasing is wiped from her face. It’s breathtaking, even now. The pale of her skin and the way Juliana can see the freckles that dot her sun kissed shoulders, even from this far away. 

“Thought I’d save you the trouble.” It’s Valentina who is teasing now, standing and presenting herself like a gift in front of their bed and Juliana has to roll her eyes to make up for the easy grin that spreads across her face. She’ll give Valentina credit; she always knows how to make things easier. 

Juliana clears the distance between them in seconds, toppling Valentina onto the bed and kissing her, this time with less weight, this time with teeth and smiles accidentally getting in their way. Her hips roll to match the way her tongue runs against Valentina’s lower lip. 

She’d almost forgotten she was wearing the strap on at all when she feels it tug between them. Pulling back, Juliana finds Valentina’s hand wrapped around it. She stares at it a second, breathes deep into her own gut and looks back at Valentina.

“Not so fast,” the other girl mutters from beneath her. “I had something a little different in mind.”

Confusion falls back across Juliana’s features but there’s Valentina again, still smiling as though she’s the one curious despite having written the plan herself. She wraps her fingers around Juliana’s waist and flips them over herself now. Juliana goes with her, as she always does, content to follow Valentina’s lead, even when she’s the one wearing the toy. 

“Lay back,” Valentina instructs, moving off Juliana and a little further down the bed. Juliana complies, looking back at her with wide, watchful eyes. If anyone asked Valentina she’d say  _that_  was her favorite part of sex with Juliana; her dark brown eyes, attentive, watching,  _waiting_. The way letting go suited her, how good it felt to be the thing those eyes looked for. 

As Juliana gets comfortable, Valentina settles herself over her, one knee on either side of Valentina’s hips, the strap on set carefully in front of her. She leans down, places a gentle kiss against Juliana’s jaw line, before trailing more of them down the curve of her collar bone, the center of her chest. One of her hands twists into Juliana’s hair, while she leans on that elbow, and the other palms over her breast, cautiously at first and then harder, squeezing, soft again, and then pinching until she feels Juliana shudder beneath her. Valentina takes the opposite nipple between her lips and her teeth, toying around it with her tongue before she presses her hips against Juliana’s. “Relax,” she mumbles, up into Juliana’s ear before kissing her gently there to. 

 _Relax_. The number of times she’d heard it in their bed was a little embarrassing. But she’s always nervous, even under her now well learned confidence, always set on trying to give Valentina everything she wanted. Valentina would say she always did, that she didn’t need to worry so much. But she worries anyway.  _Relax_. Juliana takes a deep breath and looks Valentina back in the eyes. “I am,” she assures her and Valentina nods approval before settling back down near Juliana’s hips. 

Carefully and slowly, Valentina takes the strap on in her hand, raising up on her knees to center herself over it. 

“Val, maybe I should – “ Juliana stops her, unsure if Valentina’s ready after just a few minutes of touching  _her_. 

“Trust me,” Valentina tilts her chin down toward her, “I’ve been thinking about this so much today it’s embarrassing. You don’t need to do anything.” The blush that rises on her cheeks despite the confidence in her eyes sets Juliana at ease so she wraps her fingers in the sheets as if she needs to brace herself, and waits. 

What follows is like watching a dance or a perfect piece of art. Juliana’s motionless and holding her breath for the both of them as Valentina lowers herself slowly, one hand on the strap on, the other on her own body, guiding it inside of her. She rocks her hips forward just a little, and then back, closes her eyes for a second before opening them to peer back down at the girl beneath her. Juliana doesn’t know what  _Valentina’s_  feeling, but  _she_  might combust. 

Nearly half way down, Valentina’s body quivers. It shakes her thighs and Juliana instantly grabs them, helping to hold her safely in place. Her eyes are stuck on the way Valentina’s lips part, and the way she can feel the exhale even from this far away. They’re stuck there long enough that Juliana misses the rest of Valentina’s movements until she’s suddenly settled, warm and on top of her, the strap on entirely vanished beneath her hips. 

“ _Fuck”_  – Valentina’s been known to curse in bed but this is something else entirely, it falls out of her mouth like early release, accidental and unwound and bewildered. 

Juliana doesn’t notice she’s chewing on her own lip but Valentina reaches down with one hand and untucks it. She grazes her thumb over it as she she rolls her hips and Juliana tightens the grip of her fingers on Valentina’s thighs. 

“Is this okay?” Valentina’s tone is always so different when she checks. 

“More than okay.”

She’s never felt anything like it before, Valentina’s thighs wide and tight over her hips. Juliana’s whole body feels heated and raw as a nerve ending, every movement above her a vibration that reaches straight to her core. Valentina’s hands land firmly on her shoulders, paired with a hard, fast, bruising kiss. Juliana bites back, eager and filled with whatever need that entire image had put in her chest. She finally relinquishes her hold on Valentina’s thighs to twist them into her hair, to keep her close as their kiss deepens and Valentina tugs at her lip. 

On instinct, Juliana’s hips rise to meet Valentina’s, as they would have any other time. But when Valentina hums a moan softly against her lips she remembers. 

“Stay still,” Valentina husks, a hint of teasing in her voice but Juliana listens. They’d learned quickly to talk in bed, to make sure they were each getting what they needed, and right now if this was what Valentina needed, Juliana was happy to give it to her. 

With Juliana’s hips stilled beneath her, Valentina begins to rock her own in long languid motions to run her body as far along the length of the strap on as she can. It’s long enough, big enough, nothing intimidating but when paired with the image of a slightly frazzled Juliana beneath her it’s more than enough to unsettle Valentina fast. She bites her lip, pulling away from their closeness to focus more of her attention on the rhythmic rocking of her body. 

She doesn’t take her eyes away. With every long thrust, Valentina gazes down at Juliana and doesn’t prompt her to stay still again when Juliana’s hands move from her thighs to her waist, along her torso to graze tentatively over her breasts. The gentle nature of it, the tentative caution that’s so intrinsic to Juliana’s sexual personality is an overwhelming contrast to the heat of the strap on in her core. On a whimper, Valentina’s eyes finally fall closed.

Juliana wants to thrust into her again, to do whatever it takes to give Valentina the pleasure and friction she needed. But she didn’t dare after she’d been told not to so she stays still, busies her hands running the lines of her palms along the soft tips of Valentina’s nipples. She focuses on tracing each one in her head,  _the heart line, the head line, the fate line._  Nothing ever felt wrong with Valentina, everything like part of a magnetic destiny, finding her in the park, the back and forth of their pull to each other, the rhythmic rise and fall of Valentina’s hips. She can feel her own thighs slowly coating with slickness every time Valentina meets them, and knowing that all of this was driving her girlfriend so wild was enough to drive Juliana nearly to her death. 

As Valentina speeds up, more need in her motions and unkempt hair falling in Juliana’s face without her careful fingers keeping it back, Juliana has to adjust her grip. She sets her hands back to Valentina’s thighs but further, let’s them grip tight at the back of them like she can urge Valentina forward. 

“Val –” she mutters, and then immediately regrets opening her mouth. Juliana’s usually more quiet in bed than her girlfriend. 

“Mhm?” Ever attentive and doting, even in the throws of her wants, Valentina leans further down, nudgers her nose against Juliana’s throat. “You okay?”

“I love you.” 

It wasn’t the answer she had been planning, certainly isn’t the number of  _unsavory_  things she’s thinking. But it’s earnest, and true – 

 _And so very Juliana._  Valentina has to stifle a laugh at herself for thinking something had been wrong, as another thrust nearly causes her undoing and Juliana gently whispers she loves her. She smiles against her girlfriend’s lips. “I love you too,” she answers.

Another thrust, and then another. Valentina’s movements grow less rhythmic, more unbridled. Juliana presses the grip of her fingers against her, as if guiding her along despite knowing full well that what Valentina needed tonight was to  _take_. 

When she does take it, it’s shuddering and breathy, loud with the same familiar, breathy, high toned cry that Juliana’s gotten so used to hearing. “Don’t stop yet,” Juliana whispers against her ear. But Valentina needs no coaxing to ride out her orgasm against her girlfriend’s hips. Juliana only wishes she could feel it, but she feels the clench of Valentina’s thighs, the grip of her fingers, bruising into the backs of Juliana’s shoulders. 

Valentina finally collapses, tired and spent and satisfied. She stays, held against the strap on still inside of her, breathing warm, heavy breaths against Juliana’s neck. Juliana doesn’t move but she lets go of Valentina’s hands and runs her fingers gently up her spine, slow and trickling as if she can soothe the rest of her pleasure out of her. 

“What I meant to say … “ Juliana finally huffs into the silence, “was that that was the most incredible view of you I’ve ever seen. But ‘I love you’ came out.”

A fit of giggles shakes Valentina against her chest and Juliana tightens her grip around her. Valentina kisses her, again and again against her neck. “Thank you,” she answers gently, though the implication is that she doesn’t mean  _just_  for the compliment. 

Finally, Valentina rolls herself slowly off to one side, letting the pink appendage finally slide out of her. Juliana’s nearly as breathless as she is despite having done less than an ounce of the work load. She doesn’t expect Valentina’s fingers to start slowly trailing circles on her abdomen. Juliana watches them, intently for a second, before catching Valentina’s eye, just seconds before Valentina lowers herself down the bed and slowly tugs at the straps. 

With a few quick motions, she pulls the entirety of the toy away, leaving Juliana bare beneath the gentle graze of her hand. Valentina runs her fingers up her center and then follows it with her tongue, slick and lapping, just one long stroke before she kisses the spot just below Juliana’s left hip. 

It’s nearly a meal, nearly as enticing as spending all day thinking about what it’d be like to bring that strap on home. And there’s nothing Valentina loves more than a flustered, tired, entirely turned on Juliana. Nothing except a slightly desperate one. She kisses her hip again, and then lifts her head, moving upward to kiss Juliana’s lips just one more time. 

“Come on,” Valentina’s grin is back and it’s a little more devious this time. “We have Dinner with my brother.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She knows this conversation could take all night and finally she concedes a little, assuming based on Juliana’s discomfort that she’s tormented her girlfriend enough for one night. "

AN: I know you were all probably hoping for more strap stuff but I needed this to set up some of the emotion. I think having it here will make the third part that much better so I hope you don't hate me too much!! I wanted to get an update up for you guys ASAP. Hope you enjoy!

 

 

Juliana  _hates_  being needy. She hates needing things at all. Even now, even more comfortable in her life and her relationship than she’s ever been, it’s always difficult for her to acknowledge a need. So when Valentina pulls away from her on their bed, she doesn’t pull her back, doesn’t let the  _Valentina, please_  fall out the way she wants it to. When Val gets cleaned up and dressed for dinner, Juliana doesn’t let herself recreate the image of her just five minutes before, taking her own pleasure so naturally right on top of her. She doesn’t let herself think about each of Valentina’s gentle touches that followed, or the way she keeps locking eyes with her at the dinner table. 

Valentina’s eyes always have something in them, like a teacher who is waiting for a student to have a stroke of genius on their own. It teeters somewhere between already knowing the answer and trying to coax it out, curious and demanding at the same time. They stay that way all through dinner. It’s nearly torture. 

It’s all Juliana can do not to think about. Because she  _shouldn’t_  think about it. Not at the Carvajal’s dinner table, not with Chivis taking patient care of them, not with Guille asking them both how their studies had been going. She can’t think about the way Valentina had walked away, pressing careful kisses to her hip bones like tangible ellipsis, promising to continue but never saying it. Valentina doesn’t even reach for her now, not under the table, not heavily taking a little too long to pass her the butter. Any normal night she would. Valentina loves a game and constantly leaning in to the promise of  _later_  is one of her favorites. 

Tonight it’s different. Tonight, Valentina doesn’t graze her fingers carefully against Juliana’s thigh. Tonight she doesn’t bite her lip when she smiles over at her. Tonight, she talks as though dinner could last four hours and there’s no where else she’d rather be.

After an hour a half, she catches a nervous smile from Juliana and almost feels bad. She knows how Juliana worries. It isn’t sexy or prompting. It’s not a promise or a lead in, but she does reach her hand, just between their plates to take Juliana’s and squeeze it. Valentina meets her eyes and smiles at her, assuring, confident...

....But chaste. Not teasing. Instead, it’s like she’d simply left the bedroom in the bedroom which would be entirely normal if it weren’t so entirely  _abnormal_  for Valentina. 

 

 

 

“I’m just so happy for Guille and Renata.” Valentina’s nearly buzzing when they get back to their room, the warmth of wine in her voice and enthusiasm in her eyes. And Juliana’s buzzing back because there’s nothing like a warm and overjoyed Valentina to remind her why she loves her. Not that she needs reminding. Valentina stays buzzing. She hums around the room as she tugs her hair back out of its updo, slowly steps out of her pants, even takes the strap on they’d left on the floor in the bathroom to clean it. 

All Juliana can do is watch. She sits on the bed, kicks her shoes off, tries to coach herself through changing out of her clothes as Valentina is. But she can’t help but feel like the rhythm is wrong, like they should be carefully peeling off each other’s clothes, like Valentina has a promise she’s supposed to be making good on. There’s that feeling again --  _need_. Juliana wishes she could be like other people, people who opened their mouths, who moved their feet, who followed their girlfriend into the bathroom and  _acted_  on their needs but instead it paralyzes her. 

When Valentina returns from the bathroom she tucks the strap on into her underwear drawer and fumbles for a shirt that she pulls on over her bare chest and underwear. Juliana had barely noticed she was still talking about Guille and Renata until she’s standing in front of her, long legs between Juliana’s knees and her cool palms laid gently against her cheek bones. 

“It’s cute though, don’t you think?” 

Juliana searches to remember what Val had just been saying. Guilt settles in her stomach and the uneasiness is written on her face.

“What is it?” Valentina tilts her head, lovingly running her thumb just beside one of Juliana’s eyes. She pulls it back, licks the pad of it and carefully wipes away a smudge of black eyeliner from her girlfriend’s face, not unlike a mother cat. Valentina watches Juliana think for a moment, patiently takes in the moment of panic behind her eyes, the twist of her lips. Again she almost feels bad. Again she almost stops what she’s doing, assures Juliana over and over again that she loves her with words and with touches -- but she doesn’t. It has to go this way. She pushes again. “What’s wrong?” This time, there’s a hint of a teasing smile at the corner of her lips. 

Juliana clocks it instantly. 

“Val...” her name comes out in a huff, familiar and exasperated. Valentina’s so used to hearing it that way that she’s grown to love it more than any other way Juliana says it. 

Valentina raises her eyebrows, eyes wide and waiting and  _coaxing_  again. “What? Talk to me, baby.” 

The hint of performed innocence in her tone is enough to make Juliana want to throw herself backward on the bed like a moody sixteen year old. And she almost does but resorts to slouching a little instead, huffing a breath through her nose. She drops her eye to the floor before a finger catches her chin and lifts her face so her eyes meet Valentina’s again. 

“You know what.” She finally says back. 

“Do I?” 

        “... Val.”     “Juls.” 

Juliana falls silent again. Valentina gently tucks a strand of dark hair behind her ear, still studying, still waiting. Patient, always. She knows  _this_  conversation could take all night and finally she concedes a little, assuming based on Juliana’s discomfort that she’s tormented her girlfriend enough for one night. 

“Why will you do all of this, torture yourself through all of dinner just to avoid telling me what you want?”

“You were the one torturing me!” It’s a little explosive, a little frustrated. 

Valentina bites down on her own lip and shrugs. “Maybe. I wanted to see if you’d say it. I wanted to hear it.”

“Hear what?” This time when Juliana looks up at her, Valentina sees a reflection of the girl she once taught to swim, so determined to meet expectations even when she doesn’t want to, so frustrated with the tight rope she’s placed herself on, unsteady and stoic, fiery and grounded.

“Just tell me what you want, Juliana.” The moment Valentina says it she feels like a hypocrite, for playing a game to get the response she wants instead of talking about it. She’s always  been just a little bit manipulative. It’s a Carvajal trait, one she’s been trying to shake off. And Juliana is  _so_  cerebral. Valentina sighs and slowly runs one of her hands down Juliana’s hair, fingers trailing through the ends of it at her shoulders. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly. “I didn’t mean to torture you. At least not in a way that wasn’t fun. But you didn’t know the game and that wasn’t fair.”

Juliana goes back to silent, looking back up at her wide eyed and content to listen. 

“Some part of me wanted to see how long you’d go without just asking me to finish what we started. God -- Juliana you can’t -- you don’t have to martyr yourself on  _everything_. Not with me. Not with  _sex._ ”

“I’m not -- “

Valentina doesn’t interrupt her but she raises her eyebrow, tilts her chin and that’s enough. 

Juliana reaches for Valentina’s waist instead, laces her fingertips in the elastic of her underwear. “I want to finish what we started.” Her voice is lower now, darker. 

Valentina grins, slow but eagerly grateful for the reprieve from the guilt of her failed game. “What did we start?” Now her voice is outwardly taunting, the teasing and the game actually obvious to both of them for the first time that evening. 

“ _Val!_ ”Juliana’s frustration erupts into giggles as it always does. This time she  _does_  throw herself backward on the bed like a moody teenager. But this time, Valentina follows, laughter at her lips as well. Her hands land on Juliana’s holding them just above her head on the bed as she hovers over her, a tangle of loose curls falling around Juliana’s face. 

“Say it.” Valentina teases. “Say you want me to fuck you. Just do it. Just  _once_.”

The words fall natural out of Valentina’s mouth and they’re admittedly a turn on but all Juliana does is blush. She shakes her head, looks away. “Val stop.”

Valentina shakes her head back, bitting down on her lip. “Come on! Juliana -- “ she tries a new angle. “I’m your girlfriend. I should get to hear all the things you want me to do to you every once in a while.”

 _That_  gets an eye roll. 

Valentina dips her head, still holding Juliana’s hands where they are. She nudges her jaw upward with her nose, giving herself enough of the bare skin of Juliana’s neck to cover it in warm, breathy, open mouthed kisses. “Say it,” she finally whispers once her kisses reach the soft skin behind Juliana’s ears. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You were  _so good_  earlier, Juliana. Seeing you like that? It was so hot.  _You’re_  so hot.” She doesn’t have to look up to feel Juliana blushing but Valentina keeps going. “I love you.” Another kiss. Valentina better adjusts herself on top of her, lets her kissing become less teasing, more pointed, slowly adds her teeth to knick tiny edges into every other one, continuing to make her point in breathy words as she does. “I can go get the strap on out of the drawer. I can show you how good it is. You make me feel so good, Juls. I only want to make you feel good too. I don’t just want to take everything  _I_ want. I want to give you what  _you_  want. You can want more. You can say it. It's okay to want things, Juliana.” As if to punctuate her words, Valentina grinds her hips down against Juliana’s. 

Juliana lets out a small moan that anyone besides Valentina would mistake as an exhale. But she knows what it sounds like when Juliana’s stoically holding back, still bewildered and soft but always quiet. 

“ _You can need them_.” Valentina’s words are a murky mix of safety and encouragement, darkness and teasing, whispered straight into Juliana's ears and covered in the warmth of her lips just after before she pulls that warmth away. 

There’s that word again.  _Need_. It hangs over her like it’s taunting her even if Valentina did’t intend for it to. Even if Valentina was soft and warm and encouraging.  _There’s nothing to be ashamed of_. It repeats in her head. Juliana feels like she might explode from the mix of her previous anticipation and this game Valentina’s playing now. And somehow she  _is_  ashamed. Like she can’t ask for more unless Valentina gives it, like she can’t say out loud that every single touch of Valentina’s lips has her dizzily remembering them kissing along her hip bones two hours before. But she feels so much safer here than she had at dinner, so much more sure of what’s to come, of how much Valentina wants it too. 

_It’s okay to want things._

“I want you,” she tries, uncertain and breathy but earnest. Not nearly as intimate as Valentina makes things like that sound. Juliana bites her lip. Her hips roll upward, searching for more contact, for whatever Valentina might be planning. “I need  _you_.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In truth, the day hadn’t started as a game. It hadn’t started as a test and it certainly hadn’t started with Valentina thinking she’d go out and bring home a pink strap on and shake up their bedroom.

In truth, the day hadn’t started as a game. It hadn’t started as a test and it certainly hadn’t started with Valentina thinking she’d go out and bring home a pink strap on and shake up their bedroom. 

It had started in their bed, the one they shared now in the room that wasn’t just Valentina’s anymore. For the first morning in a long time, she’d woken up before Juliana. Juliana always had two modes in the morning; awake and attentive or entirely unmovable. On the mornings she was awake, it always felt as though she’d never slept, and Valentina often wondered if she had. And sometimes, one morning out of every week, Valentina would wake up to find Juliana sleeping like a rock. She’d lay on one side, always wrapped in on herself, always taking up as little space as possible. On the best mornings, Valentina could trace her fingers along her jaw line, watching as the tension in it – even present in her sleep – would slowly relax away. Something about that always made her love Juliana more, like it reminded her of the heavy weights the girl she loved carried, even at the best of times, reminded her of how much Valentina valued the moments where Juliana was finally untroubled, finally restful – unshakably so. 

This morning hadn’t been one of those unshakeable mornings. Valentina had woken to Juliana with her arms crossed over her chest, staring intently at the ceiling, as though she’d been up all night having a conversation with it, as though it held questions Valentina could never answer. And for a moment, she’d rolled over and laid her head on Juliana’s chest in the silence. “Did you sleep?” She mumbled, a finger tracing against Juliana’s collar bone. And Juliana had nodded. “For a while.” She always said it so simply. And most days Valentina accepted it as part of who Juliana was. But today, she’d left their bed weighted with the heavy desire to somehow find that untroubled, restful, at peace Juliana that she got on those rare mornings – somehow. And Valentina only knew of one way that she could really get just about anything out of Juliana. 

 _That_  was what had lead to Valentina, distracted in class, chewing on her pen cap with her mind in their bedroom. Of the two of them, she was probably the most likely to get lost in a thought like that at the wrong time. But she resisted the urge to pick up her phone and bring Juliana down with her. She knew how serious Juliana took school. And on a day like today, Valentina thought maybe the best approach would be surprise. Sometimes, if she gave Juliana too much time to think, she wound up all nerves. Her girlfriend wouldn’t admit to liking surprises, but Valentina found that a spontaneous, rolling with the punches Juliana was always a different sort of fun than an anxious, over prepared one. 

Her distracted mind had wandered to all the ways she could try to make Juliana dizzy to make her let go, give in, fall to pieces in their bed. Valentina had tried to map out the careful steps, the buttons to push, a line up of things that were Juliana’s favorite, in hopes that she might unwind, might even sleep in the heavy, peaceful way that only Juliana could. And while each day dream had tightened the grip of her teeth against the pen cap until Valentina eventually wore through it, none of them seemed right. Not this time. She needed something  _different_. And she carried that thought all the way to the small sex toy shop instead of going to lunch. 

The day had gotten away with her; a frustrating meeting with her TA, a quiz that hadn’t gone the best. And Valentina had  _admittedly_  gotten herself a little too flustered and distracted any time she felt the weight of her new toy in her bag.  _That_  was why she’d barreled into their room like a freight train. Her own pent up frustration and pent up anticipation and pent up –  _everything_. Valentina had needed it out of the way before she could truly set her plan into motion. Laying Juliana down on the bed with the strap on on before dinner had been perfect. It brought the toy into their bed room without terrifying Juliana with it first. And it certainly got the other girl quickly in the mood. Valentina’s toying with her through dinner had admittedly been mean – and  _definitely_  the opposite of what she’d been trying to accomplish. But by the time she finally got that single, confident  _I need you_  out of Juliana’s mouth, Valentina’s plan was back on track. 

 

 

“Lay back,” Valentina instructs evenly and Juliana feels entirely breathless already and they haven’t even begun. Valentina above her, body wrapped around Juliana’s thighs and that strap-on had been a sight unlike anything she’d seen before but this – Juliana isn’t sure she’d be able to pick a favorite. Because now, Valentina’s above her with a much different look in her eye – still intent, still devious, still gleaming but even where her instructions get more firm and clear, her tone gets softer. She’s entirely naked already, with the strap-on fastened around her hips now, and she holds it, carefully in one hand, the other holding one side of Juliana’s underwear like it’s a handle. 

She resists the urge to tell Juliana she loves this pair. They’re just simple black cotton but they’re so perfectly fitted to who Juliana is, and they fall in just the right spot across her hips. Valentina bites down on her lip and reminds herself who this is for. Slowly, she unclenches her grip on the fabric until her hand splays flat on Juliana’s hip, just below her abs. A soft smile tugs gently to one side of Valentina’s face. 

“What?”

Two years into their relationship and Valentina’s sure sometimes Juliana still waits to hear it’s all been an elaborate prank. “What  _what?_ ” Valentina pushes back, her smile widening. 

“What are you doing?”

“Looking at you.”

It comes out so simple and yet it takes the little air in Juliana’s chest straight out of it. Her smile matches Valentina’s in softness but there are nerves behind it. 

“Stop it.” Juliana puts her hand over her own eyes and hides her wider grin as she slides her palm down her face. 

“No.” No is one of the hardest things to say to Juliana ever but in a moment like this it’s impossibly easy. “You’re beautiful, Juls. Especially like this.” 

By  _like this_  she means waiting, a little bit desperate. She means the color of her skin soft against the bed sheets, the way Valentina can find the freckles on her nose under her thing layer of make up, even from this high above her. She means that when Juliana drops her hand from her face it falls naturally beside her own head without Valentina even having to put it there. She means the stoic way her jaw tightens as she holds herself back from ever saying the sort of things that Valentina says so easily;  _I want you. Touch me. I need you._ Anything that might make her blush and still does two years in. But Valentina doesn’t say all of that. She just says  _like this_  and let’s Juliana fill the rest in. Some nights she says all of it, but tonight she’s trying to only move Juliana out of one comfort zone at a time. 

Valentina gives herself ten more seconds to stare, the length of time it takes for her to slowly run that same hand she’s left on Juliana’s hip up her abdomen, across the skin there, slowly over the curve of one of her breasts, in a small circle around the tip of it, and then over her chest and her collarbone until she drags one finger under the base of Juliana’s chin and leans forward to kiss her. 

It’s long and slow, careful and consuming at the same time. Juliana never understands how Valentina always keeps herself on such a delicate line of being completely gentle and completely overwhelming. But it’s who she’s always been. It shouldn’t surprise Juliana when it’s who she is even in their most intimate moments. She wraps her fingers in Valentina’s hair with both hands, pulling her closer, kissing her a little bit harder than Valentina lead with. Her hips rise  just off the mattress and when they do, Juliana’s reminded of the toy hanging between them. Instead of drawing back, she pushes her nerves forward – as she always does – and bites down on Valentina’s lower lip, tugging it back toward the pillow with her as she tries to pull her even closer down to her. 

“In a hurry?” Valentina grins against her lips, pausing their kiss to hang just a few inches over Juliana’s face. 

“Maybe,” Juliana breathes, teasing just a little back.

Valentina can’t help but notice that some of that standard Juliana embarrassment has washed away now and that urges her onward. “Is that a yes or a no?”

“Valentina!” 

“I just feel like you forgot what the game was, that’s all.” Valentina feigns innocence.

She lifts herself up and moves back down the bed, wrapping her fingers around the fabric of Juliana’s underwear again, but this time she drags them off of her and down her ankles and tosses them on the floor. As much as Valentina liked the way they looked on, it’s even better this way. With a little movement, she puts herself between Juliana’s legs, one hand on either thigh just above her knees. She waits their, with her grip just a little tight, parting Juliana’s legs just barely before she slides her hands upward, watching the way her thumbs leave trails in her soft skin of her girlfriend’s inner thighs. 

When she gets higher, Valentina feels the slight pressure of Juliana’s pelvis, lifting just barely under her hands. She bites her lip to keep her focus and doesn’t look up. Because as much as Valentina enjoys the look of a dark eyed, slowly more needy Juliana, if she sees it now, she’ll break too soon. And this night is already going to go fast as  it is. So she slides her hands up further, flattens her palms when the curve of Juliana’s legs gets too wide to hold them tightly any more. Once she’s satisfied she’s close enough, Valentina runs her thumbs over the apex of Juliana’s thighs, but not enough that they meet in the middle, not enough that they brush against her center. 

It is close enough though, that Valentina can feel heat, that she can feel Juliana  _nearly_  tremble. And that in itself is almost a victory. 

Finally, Valentina lets herself look up. But instead of Juliana’s wide, anticipating gaze burning her from where she sits on the pillows, she sees her girlfriend’s eyes closed. “Juliana,” her tone is a little commanding and breaks the teasing silence laying thick in the air around them. But it instantly softens. “Look at me.”

Juliana’s eyes open instantly. 

She doesn’t close them for any real reason. It just happens sometimes, when she isn’t sure what to do with her hands, when she wants to get lost in Valentina’s touches, when she’s trying to focus on not turning into a puddle. But it seems like that’s what Valentina wants tonight, because when Juliana does open them she sees Valentina kneeling between her parted knees, her lips pressed together, tight and pointed, but her eyes alight in a way that makes Juliana understand what it might feel like to be swallowed by the ocean. She has that knowing smile on her face again. Juliana bites her lip. It’s clear just in the look on Valentina’s face that she has something to say, and Juliana’s already not sure she can keep up with any more games. 

“Are you okay?”

Juliana exhales. Nearly annoyed but so thoroughly warmed by the comfort and safety of it that she can’t be. Only Valentina would look so dangerous just to be checking in. 

Juliana nods. 

One of Valentina’s thumbs rubs almost absentmindedly, in soft lines along the inside of Juliana’s thigh, not two inches away from where she knows Juliana wants it. But her eyes don’t move from her girlfriend’s face. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” 

Valentina wraps her other hand around the head of the strap-on again. “Do you want me to touch you first?” 

None of this part is a game and Valentina makes sure that’s clear. She keeps their eye contact, keeps her voice even, makes sure that nothing that comes out of Juliana’s mouth isn’t exactly what she needs. 

“I just want to feel you,” Juliana whispers it back, breathy and a little dark, but rising in all the right places so Valentina’s sure it’s barely controlled. 

“Juls – yes or no.” she leans closer now, soft and intimate despite sticking to her question. 

“No,” Juliana answers, shaking her head for a second, shaking herself out from under the intensity of Valentina’s gaze. “I’m ready.”

“You’re ready?” Valentina repeats, just to be sure. 

“Yes.” 

It’s all Valentina needs. Because some nights she loves a tease and some nights, all she wants is to give Juliana  _everything_  she wants. And that particular feeling is one that’s been aching in her gut all day. She leans forward pressing her hands into the mattress and kisses Juliana one more time, gentle and soft. “I love you,” Valentina murmurs, before taking each of Juliana’s hands and placing them gently above her head on the bars of the head board. “Hold here.” It’s not a command or a rule, just a suggestion, gentle like she’s trying to brace her. And once she does, Valentina goes back to her spot, one hand on the inside of each of Juliana’s thighs. 

She parts them further this time, and takes a second to acquaint her fingers with the slickness of Juliana’s center, just to be sure she gets this part right. Most people would consider Valentina a little unbridled, a little chaotic, passionate and reckless and dauntless. But in these moments she’s meticulous. In the moments she spent all day, thinking about how to do this, it was all planned. Because there’s nothing she takes more seriously than taking care of Juliana. And maybe they’re the only two people that need to know that. 

Once Valentina’s satisfied, once she’s circled her fingers just enough around Juliana’s entrance to feel sure, once she’s felt Juliana’s hips rise again and heard the softest whine pass her lips, Valentina finally takes the strap-on in her hand with more authority, rising on her knees to align it. She takes one of Juliana’s legs in her other hand to give herself room and leverage, but doesn’t lift it enough to be forceful. Valentina knows too well what it feels like to have your body jerked around at someone else’s whim. She never brings that into their bed. But it’s perhaps why she takes Juliana’s trust in her so seriously, why she’s more nervous now than she had been at any part of this, maybe even since their first time together. 

Valentina exhales audibly when she finally presses the tip inside of Juliana and it slides in comfortably just an inch. Juliana’s hip lifts again but Valentina braces against it, holding her as still as she can while she slides further inside of her. Maybe she can’t actually  _feel_  it, what with using something that isn’t part of her, but Valentina’s sure she feels it anyway. Because she feels the way Juliana’s pelvis twist just a little, feels her leg quiver in her grip, feels the seamless pressure and release of sliding further into her, with just the right amount of tight resistance and slick satisfaction. 

It almost distracts her from looking where she should be – at Juliana’s eyes. And once Valentina is sure she can’t get the pressure or the alignment wrong she finally looks up at them, finds Juliana, with her elbows by her own ears, holding the bed frame like she told her to, her lower lip tucked into her teeth, and her eyes focused intently  _on her_. 

Valentina beams with pride, having been half expecting to find them closed and she slides her hips forward, the rest of the way, eyes locked on Juliana the whole time. It’s Valentina who half moans against the feeling, of their bodies closer together, of the strap-on entirely vanished, deep inside of her girlfriend, of the way Juliana’s lip pops out of her teeth with a quiet, mouth-parting gasp, and her eyes, wider now while she feels something entirely new. 

“God,” Valentina huffs, quickly shoving some of her hair backward out of her face with one hand. In the other, she’s still holding Juliana’s leg, just under the knee, back toward to her body to give herself room. She leans forward, to kiss Juliana again, forgetting that when she does, the toy only goes deeper, that her body is already flush against Juliana’s, causing a moment of rough friction. Juliana’s kiss falls apart into a moan before Valentina can even get there and it’s the most surprising and satisfying sound she’s heard perhaps ever. She’s reminded that Juliana isn’t the only one that needs to be caught off guard now and then. Instead of leaning back up, Valentina rolls her hips, keeping their bodies close, and the pressure tight between them. Instead of forcing poor Juliana to try to kiss her through her newfound pleasure, Valentina brings her lips to her neck, leaving warm, wet, open mouthed kisses in her wake. 

If Valentina stays here forever, Juliana might come undone in seconds. She can feel it. They can both feel it. The pressure is almost too much. Juliana’s not sure she’d be disappointed if that was the case. The hours of build up through watching Valentina and dinner and their argument following already have her at the edge of more than she’s entirely sure she can handle. And if it wasn’t for her grip on the bed frame, she’s not sure she’d even be able to keep herself together. But if there’s anywhere Juliana knows she can handle anything, it’s with Valentina, safely wrapped in her girlfriend’s body, covered in her kisses, the space between them quickly filling with sweat and hot breath as their bodies take over any part of this that was still in their heads. 

Valentina backs up, slowly, leveraging herself once again against Juliana’s bent and lifted leg while she presses a few more kisses down her chest, and stops to run her tongue in a languid circle over one of her nipples, trailing her free hand after it, with a little weight behind her fingers to keep Juliana down against the bed and herself balanced. Once she’s back upright, at her knees, Valentina finally slides herself out of Juliana, slowly again, all the way again, and she watches as Juliana’s body beneath her reacts and shivers all over in an entirely different way. Just before the tip slides out, Valentina stops, and slides back in, a little faster, a little harder, searching herself for the satisfaction of the look on Juliana’s face when it’s all the way inside her once more. And she gets it. 

That’s the point where Valentina becomes unbearable, where she lets go of her own intent and hesitation and instead sets her sights on her original plan entirely; to take Juliana apart. “Hold on,” Valentina reminds her just once more before her movements pick up. They’re not too fast or too hard, if anything they’re languid and rolling. But Valentina drives each thrust with a purpose, all the way in as far as she can, using their position to angle herself and Juliana’s hips just right. 

When Valentina says hold on, it’s almost far away. But Juliana tries to listen. Her grip tightens but she doesn’t have time to adjust it. She’s already dizzy and she’s sure she can feel her leg shaking in Valentina’s grip. Each deep thrust sends a new wave of pleasure through her body. Where Juliana is used to slow, careful build up and friction and the trickling rise of heat, she’s instead found deep pressure. Her hips rise to Valentina’s movement, to the occasional grind of the meeting of their hips in the center. And each time it’s like lightning. Each time, Juliana’s sure she’s already done for. But it never stops. It builds, rapid – warmer still, tighter still. It’s not like a patient beg for release, it’s an overwhelming roll toward what Juliana can only assume will be the end of her. Someone might call it fatalistic but she’s always assumed if something ever took her straight off her feet for good, it’d be Valentina Carvajal. And even if she can’t settle now, even if her body is putty in Valentina’s hands, even her head is clouded and foggy – Juliana’s settled in that. 

Valentina wants to collapse. She can see the look in Juliana’s eyes. They’re wider than usual, blown and dark and even a little shaken. It’s what she wanted out of this, and the way it looks from here, kneeling above her, controlling every moment of that expression and watching every wave it sends through her girlfriend’s body, might actually be too much for Valentina too. She wants to fall forward, to hold Juliana close to her and coach her quietly through it, intimate and close. But that’s not what this called for. “There you go,” she murmurs instead, “that’s it.” Even if Juliana isn’t  _doing_ anything, Valentina knows the encouragement helps. Hell it helps her, to feel like she’s guiding her, to remind Juliana that they’re in this together. 

And it pulls through Juliana’s foggy vision and the light behind her eyes like an anchor. “Valentina –” she says her name louder than usual, somewhere between a plea and a desperate replacement for the way she’d be reaching for Valentina if she had the composure to take her hands off the bed frame. “…Val.”

“I’ve got you,” Valentina answers almost instantly. “I’m right here.” 

This time she gives in, dropping Juliana’s leg wide open on the bed and folding down on top of her. But she doesn’t stop her movements, doesn’t stop the steady in and out or the depth of her thrusts, just brings them closer, brings their bodies against each other. Valentina leans one elbow on Juliana’s pillow, burying her hand gently in her hair and presses a kiss against her temple as she keeps thrusting. She’s getting tired now herself, trying everything to not pause or ruin the intensity of her motions. “That’s it, Juls” she breaths out, darker but soft, encouraging and affirming against the side of Juliana’s head, placing another kiss in its wake. Valentina knows this is different, despite the penetration they’d used before. She knows that this will be different for Juliana, requires a certain bit more letting go. But she’s been prepared since that morning to get her there, and to catch her when she does. So Valentina leaves one more kiss against the shell of Juliana’s ear and lowers her voice just a little more. “It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you.” And this time, when Juliana’s eyes shut, Valentina doesn’t urge them open. 

She waits. All it takes is one more thrust, deep and paired with a roll of her hips and Juliana’s whole body quakes underneath her. She contorts and twists, barely holding her hands against the bars of the headboard. Valentina doesn’t stop. She uses the strength and energy she has left to thrust again, a few more times, just as fast and deep and hard and she’s almost  _certain_  when Juliana cries out her name  _this time_  there’s something accusatory in it, a familiar sense of annoyance mixed in the desperation and outcry. Like if her eyes were open she may have rolled them at her. 

Valentina grins, nearly giggling against Juliana’s temple, as she kisses away the clammy sweat against Juliana’s dark hair. When her girlfriend’s limbs finally begin to relax slowly against the bed, Valentina slows her thrusts, but doesn’t stop them. It’s nearly impossible to keep steady with the closeness of their bodies and slickness against their thighs. She rolls her hips, watches the aftershock hit Juliana just as she finally opens her eyes, thrusts in and out slowly again, and then again and stops.

Juliana is breathless, stunningly so. Her hands drop entirely from the headboard but her legs stay lazily parted where they lay. Valentina doesn’t dare move from inside of her. Instead she gently smoothes down Juliana’s dark hair, brushes strands of it out of her face. “That was incredible,” Valentina whispers against her lips before kissing them, satisfied at the way Juliana seems to only make it half way to a real kiss. “Are you okay?” 

Juliana nods and that’s enough. Valentina doesn’t expect words out of her right now, not when she seems to barely have her breath. 

Instead, she mutters a quiet  _hang on_  and slowly slides out of her, making quick work of the straps of the toy to take it off and discard it on the floor without leaving the bed. Any other night, she’d get up, clean it, get them both a glass of water and check in again. But tonight it seems like she might be most needed right here. So Valentina says nothing else. Instead, she falls to Juliana’s side and wraps herself tight around her. Juliana doesn’t stay facing away, in their usual tightly intwined position. Instead, she rolls over, buries her head in Valentina’s chest and exhales. 

With careful, gentle motions, Valentina lifts her fingers and slowly runs them along the side of Juliana’s face, from her hair, down her temple, to her jaw, warmed with pride when she finds the tension in it gone. Valentina exhales herself, like relief, and pulls Juliana closer. She presses a soft kiss against her forehead. “Get some sleep, Juls,” she whispers. 

Juliana nods against her chest. The words  _I love you_  nearly lost against Valentina’s skin. 

Valentina doesn’t fall asleep first tonight. She stays there, a little longer than usual, runs her fingers through Juliana’s hair until the rhythm of her breathing can not be confused for anything but sleep. And in the morning, she’s not the last to wake up either. Valentina wakes to the sun in her still open curtains, Juliana’s breathing against her chest, and the warm, satisfying realization that the tension in her sleeping girlfriend’s jaw hadn’t yet returned. 


End file.
